When I was a kid, I was very spiritual. I didn’t know what God was, but I knew there had to be a Higher Power somewhere. As I got older I dealt with depression and other things in my life that turned me into an agnostic. I was almost leaning towards atheism. I was NOT happy and I wanted to believe in something.
My mom has had a drug problem all my life, and she has put my dad and I through a lot. My mom and I had gotten into fights that almost turned physical in the past. She could make me mad like no one else. It was after one of our fights that I had, had enough. I don’t know what led me to do this, but I was reading Jesus quotes online. I also started reading stories about miracles that started to make me think. I think God was leading me to do this.
I was alone in my bedroom. After reading about Jesus online I decided to do something to see what would happen. I said to myself “Jesus or God, if you’re real I will forgive my mom.” And I sincerely meant it deep in my heart. In my heart, I wanted something to happen.
And something did happen. I heard an audible voice say “Now you understand my daughter.” And after that, a golden light started to flood my bedroom. I was honestly starting to freak out. I suddenly felt this overwhelming sense of love that I now hear people talking about in their near-death experiences. It was so overwhelming that I collapsed to my knees. My knees hit the floor so hard that I bruised them.
I honestly asked this Entity, in my mind, to please back off. I felt so good, but terrified at the same time. It was like I was going to explode. I thought I was dying for a moment.
This Force did back off when I asked It to. Once It backed off I became excited. I had to tell someone what I had just experienced even if they thought I was crazy. I drove to my boyfriend’s apartment and I told him what happened. He could tell I was not lying, and he seemed to believe me. That night, I was sleeping over at my boyfriend’s apartment. I was still excited, thinking to myself, did I experience God? Or was I crazy? And that’s when I heard the voice again. My boyfriend was asleep.
I was startled but super excited. The voice was back! And the voice actually told me to go to the living room! So I went to the living room of my boyfriend’s apartment while he slept, and that’s when I had a whole conversation with this voice.
I asked the voice, are you God? And the answer I got was “Yes.”
The voice sounded masculine, but it was as if a waterfall or mountain could talk, if that makes sense. It sounded like no human voice I have ever heard before.
I had to ask this. I asked “Does Jesus exist?”
The answer I got was “Jesus is God.”
And then I realized that must be who I was talking to, the spirit of Jesus.
I even asked again to confirm. “Jesus is God?!” I asked.
And the response was “Yes.”
And this is going to sound silly, but I let it slip that I hated Christianity. And this voice of God laughed! God has a great sense of humor! Then I realized I didn’t hate Christianity and definitely did not hate Jesus, I just did not like some of his followers.
I asked this question, “Why am I so depressed all of the time?”
The response I got was “You forgot that I love you.”
As I spoke with God, His love for me, this intense love that I can’t explain, was making me feel powerful. I think for a little while, God let me see through His eyes, I suddenly felt love for everyone. I was in the middle of talking to God, when my boyfriend walked out to the living room.
“Who are you talking to?” my boyfriend asked. I was so excited and I told him something incredible was happening. I told him God was talking to me. I told him what God told me, and he seemed to believe me again. But he could not hear God. I could still feel God’s presence, but He wasn’t talking to me anymore.
I also have to mention that I had hallucinations after my God experience — hallucinations that were nothing like the experience of God that I had. They diagnosed me as bipolar. I shared my story with near-death experiencer Howard Storm and he believes my experiences with Jesus were authentic and that my mental problems (valium) could have been caused by something spiritual in order to crush my new belief in Jesus. I can’t say if I was attacked or not. It is quite possible, though I also think God helped me find the right medication that has mostly cured my depression. I do believe I am bipolar, but I still believe my experiences with Jesus were very real. In fact they felt more real than reality.